Feel like discussing about something but nothing comes to mind. That familiar drag was just yesterday when Monday hits town. And here we are through another weekend!! Looking forward to celebrating my stud's birthday which I am still undecisive on a place to dine and then there will be a croakin'-good-time karaoke session with gerl cuzins. I'll let them do the singing *cough-croaking-cough* while I'll do the hip-movin', moon-walkin', robot-groovin' and feet-jigglin'. I'll love to add lap-dancin' but there won't be any macho laps for me to dance on. huhurhruhruhurhur.

Tomorrow came too soon
I barely made it through today
Still empty inside
I guess nothing's really changed

I'm still afraid to feel
'Cause I cannot take the pain
I'm still afraid to feel
Afraid to lose someone again

I wish that somehow
I could leave
My past behind
My fears behind

If I could only breathe you in
Every drop of you

I guess it's time to face the truth
And admit my past mistakes
Come to terms with all that's wrong with me
And all the things I'll never be

Why am I afraid to feel?
Afraid of what is true?
Why am I afraid to feel?
When all I really want is you?

To taste your skin
To share your thoughts
Would never be enough for me



- Stabbing Westward -

Acceptance grows by day.

Painted an intermittent smile.

Swinging from yesterday to tomorrow.

Taking time through truce and treasons.

On other days
She stared out the window
Through the rain expecting a face
Not a sight nor a shadow
Having nothing in place

On other days
She stood by the phone
Waiting for a call that never came
All the more she felt alone

Hanging on to the picture frame

On other days

She wrote a poem and a letter

Not knowing where to send to

Suddenly it don't seem like it matter

Tyring hard to pull through

On that day

He lay down silently beneath

Lost in a deep dreamless sleep

Floating on air was his withering wreath

A fall that ended a faithless leap


~

I am beginning to conclude that there is something seriously unstable taking up courses of various moods that change from one angle to another. Aku pon sendiri tak faham kenapa. Ataupon aku tahu kenapa tapi buat tak tahu atas sebab-sebab yang tertentu.


Its just getting too exhausting. I just can't go on with this...

How can 1 feel so tired without doing any strenous exertions and having enough sleep at that too? Is age catching up on me? I would love, in fact going to deny that! Maybe I should stop making excuses and start going to those yoga or pilates classes now that I have weekends free before I wake up one day looking in the mirror at the excess baggages with total dismay. (Like as if I don't already have them now...kehkhekhekhekhe) Usually, I will only end up verbally or mentally planning for it instead. Hmmmppft!

This article was taken from a Malaysian publication. If this account is true, the way he stands up for Malay women are beyond words that can offer appreciation.

-------------------------------
Dear Editor,

I'm sorry but I would like to challenge some of your malay male readers. I am a White female who is engaged to a Malay male-good-looking, educated and loving. I just don't understand a lot of Malay female's attitudes about our relationship. My man decided he wanted me because the pickings amongst Malay women were slim to none. As he said they were either too fat, too loud, too mean, too argumentative, too needy, too materialistic or carrying too much excess baggage. Before I became engaged, whenever I went out I was constantly approached by Malay men, willing to wine and dine me and give me the world.

If Malay women are so up in arms about us being with their men, why don't they look at themselves and make some changes. I am tired of the dirty looks I get and snide remarks when we're out in public. I would like to hear from some Malay men about why we are so appealing
and coveted by them. Bryant Gumbel just left his wife of, 26 years for one of us. Charles Barkley, Scottie Pippen, the model Tyson Beckford, Montell Williams, Quincy Jones, James Earl Jones, Harry Belafonte, sydney Poitier, Kofi Anan, Cuba Gooding Jr., Don Cornelius, Berry Gordy, Billy Blanks, Larry Fishburne, Wesley Snipes, ...I could go on and on. But, right now, I'm a little angry and that is why I wrote this so hurriedly. Don't be mad with us White women because so many of your men want us. Get your acts together and learn from us and we may lead you to treat y! our men better. If I'm wrong, Malay men, let me know.


Disgusted White Girl,
Somewhere in Bangsar.

-------------------------------
This letter was written in response to that article:


Dear Editor,

I would like to respond to the letter written by A Disgusted White Girl Let me start by saying that I am a 28-year old Malay man. I graduated from one of the most prestigious universities in England with a Masters Of Science Degree in Business Management. I have a good job at a Multinational Corporation and have recently purchased a house and a brand new non-national car. So, I consider myself to be among the ranks of successful Malay men. I will not use my precious time to slander white people. I just want to set the record straight of why Malay men date white women. Back in the day, one of the biggest reasons why Malay men dated white women was because they were considered easy.

The Malay girls in my neighborhood were raised traditionally. They were very strict about when they lost their virginity and who they lost it to. Because of our impatience to wait, brothers would look for someone who would give it up easy without too much hassle. So, they turned to the white girls. Nowadays, in my opinion, a lot of Malay males date white women because they are docile and easy to control. A lot of Malay men, because of insecurities, fears, and overall weaknesses, have become intimidated by the strength of our Malay women. We are afraid that our woman will be more successful than us, make more money than us, drive nicer cars and own bigger houses. Because of this fear, many Malay men look for a more docile woman. Someone we can control.

I have talked to numerous Malay men and they continuously comment on how easy it is to control and walk over their white women. I just want to set the record straight. I want A Disgusted White Girl to know that not all successful Malay men date white women. Non-Whites
like Ahmad Rashad, Denzel Washington, Michael Jordan, Morris Chestnut, Will Smith, Blair Underwood, Kenneth "Babyface" Edmonds, Samuel L. Jackson, and Chris Rock all married strong Non-White women. And, to flip the script, there are numerous white men, in and out of the spot light, who openly or secretly desire Non-White women over white women. Ted Danson, Robert DeNiro, and David Bowie to name a few.

I just don't want a disgusted white girl to be misinformed. Stop thinking that because you are white that you are some type of goddess. Remember, when Non-White Egyptian Queens like Hatsepshut and Nitorcris were ruling Dynasties and armies of men in Egypt, you were over in the caves of Europe eating raw meat and beating each other over the head with clubs. Read your history! It was the Non-White woman that taught you how to cook and season your food. It was the Non-White woman that taught you how to raise your children. It was Non-White women who were breastfeeding and raising your babies during slavery.

It is the Non-White woman that had to endure watching their fathers, husbands, and children beaten, killed, and thrown in jail. Malay women were born with two strikes against them: being Non-White and being a woman. And, through all this, Still They Rise! It is because of the Malay women's strength, elegance, power, love and beauty that I could never date anyone except my Malay Queen. It is not just the outer beauty that captivates and draws me to them. It is not the fact that they come in all shapes, sizes, colors and shades that I love them. Their inner beauty is what I find most appealing about Malay women. Their strong spirit, loving and nurturing souls, their integrity, their ability to overcome great obstacles, their willingness to stand for what they believe in, and their determination to succeed and reach their highest potential while enduring great pain and suffering is why I have fallen in love with Malay women.

I honestly believe that your anger is geared more toward jealousy and envy than snotty looks. If this were not so, then why do you continuously go to tanning salons to darken your skin? If you are so proud to be white, then why don't you just be happy with your pale skin? Why do you continue to inject your lips, hips, and breasts with unnatural and dangerous substances so you can look fuller and more voluptuous? I think that your anger is really a result of you wanting to have what the Non-White woman has.


BOTTOM LINE: If I were looking for a docile woman, someone I can walk over and control, I would give you a call. But, unfortunately, I am looking for a Virtuous Woman. Someone that can be a good wife and mother to my children. Someone who can be my best friend and understands my struggles. I am looking for a soulmate and unfortunately, you do not and CANNOT fit the bill.


No offense taken, none given.

Signed,
Malay Professional

Bingit aku kena tukar link lagi. Ni semua gara-gara manusia yang takde kerja lain tapi nak jaga tepi kain glamour siap ngan sequins aku! Kalau tidak tahu perbezaan antara blog dengan CNN, pergi buat research dulu. Sia-sia je belajar tinggi-tinggi tapi tidak menggunakan akal apa lagi bijik mata. Sedangkan orang yang tidak berpelajaran tinggi pon pandai gunakan kelopak mata dengan sempurna.

Pelbagai pattern manusia ni eh. Pengalaman ini membangunkan aku dari tidur yang lena.

Semoga blog link baru aku ini dapat hidup dengan lebih aman sentosa tanpa manusia tertentu yang tidak diundang. InsyaAllah. Amin.

Incognito

I am but a much less than perfect person.
Shortcomings are undeniably flawed.
Never did I consider myself right at all times.
Writing/Blogging is an avenue where venting all forms of emotional
structure takes place from pure elation to downright irritable angst.
Deepest and heartfelt apologies to offended readers.
No offence intended and none taken.

I can't believe how sour people can stoop to making equally sourly tales that ends with an awful bitter aftertaste. If only every of the essence from the zests they proudly produce can be violently mounted on their deserving faces.

As the saying goes, "Lain dimulut lain dihati". But this scenario is entirely different, "Lain dikata lain pulak dibuatnya!!" The inevitable chain reaction when families all the way to extended ones and along with relatives are involved in the intersection process between 2 souls. Just when I thought all of it is so over, the residue from the unbalanced mix is scattered all over the wrong places. The elements are close enough to cause a mild explosion. I repeat; MILD.

After all the tactless things you've said yet it's me and my mum that have to face the merciless repercussion. If they were really sincere in their intentions when promising that whatever the outcome is it will not in any way affect them, why do I see otherwise???? It's really disheartening. No definitely not for me. But for Mum. To top it all, it's like as if she's at fault. If only they understand what actually happened and the remarks delivered by you during the verbal exchange. And not forgetting the distorted fact twisted by GOD-knows-who on certain reactions of mine from an incident. I totally don't see the similarities between hanging-up and hempas the phone. Having problems differentiating the simplest form of situations? Or the tongue just rolls smoothly without guilt while pointing to the opposite direction? The absurdity of small issues stretch to such a handful.

Well things happen for a reason which is a mystery not for us to unravel. I have NO power nor desire to erase what has been said and done. For I will not have met the unexpected.

It won't even be a surprise if this pour-out of mine will be garbled and encrypted into an entirely mismatched puzzle yet once more.