Friday, July 30, 2004

Retrospection

Posted at 12:20 PM

Wednesday, July 28, 2004

Anugerah 2004

Posted at 12:54 PM

Tuesday, July 27, 2004

 
. : Empty : .
 
When did it all begin
Has it been that long
Oh look what has been done
Turn around its empty beneath
Yet away from darkness

Somewhere in the pouring rain
There she was kneeling
The girl with the broken smile
Wandering about the thousand stars
Praying that everything will be fine
Daddy can't you see me
Mummy didn't you hear me cry

Everytime the moment comes
Never fail to say
We've been waiting for this all our lives
And when it passes
Then only do we realise
Nothing will ever be here to stay
Is there ever wrong or right
Strangers forever we will be
From the day before till hereafter

Posted at 10:22 AM

Monday, July 26, 2004

Qooweez

I know what you must be thinking..."huh?! Why penguin?"
When I saw this quiz, I felt like it was made only for me...hehe.
Certain people would know why. Innocent until proven guilty!
So the meter says I'm 85% penguin! *Grrrr!*
But hey...I have now lost all the "penguinish-cuteness".  bluweek!

Posted at 12:04 PM

Sunday, July 25, 2004

Tak Ada Yang Abadi

Kau pernah menjadi detak dalam nadiku
Dalam hidupku 
Dan kau pun pernah menyelamatkan 
Seluruh hidupku 

Kau pernah menghujaniku dengan butiran 
Air matamu 
Tapi kau juga pernah tertawa 
Dalam pelukku 

Perubahan ini meyakinkan aku
Bahwa tak ada yang abadi 
Sejak kau putuskan 
Untuk melepaskan hidup 

Kau pernah menjadi terang dalam gelapku 
Saat tersesat 
Tapi kau juga pernah menyentuh 
Rasa sakitku
Kepergian itu mengajarkan aku 

Perubahan ini meyakinkan aku
Bahwa tak ada yang abadi 
Sejak kau putuskan 
Untuk melepaskan hidup 

- Jikustik

Posted at 12:01 PM

Tuesday, July 20, 2004

Hanya Seketika

Sekian hari
Hati ini dilanda kerinduan
Haruskah aku mengerti pemergianmu
Tanpa kenangan pahit
Pipi dibasahi titisan air cinta
Adakah jelas ataupun dusta
 
Renungan mu yang menyambut renungan ku
Senyuman mu yang menyambut senyuman ku
Kata dinda mu yang menyambut kata kanda ku
 
Akan aku pudar dari ingatanmu
Hapus segala sinaran permata yang pernah kau menghayati
Mencapai kebahagian yang kau impikan
Bukan untuk aku memilikinya
 
Sebalik keperitan di dada
Kau tebarkan sayap yang begitu indah
Walau hanya seketika
Aku bertahta dijiwa 

===========================
 
"cahaya dimata mu, senyum dibibir mu,
mengukir seribu tanda pertanyaan.
mungkin kah kau jua dlm kerinduan
disaat begini aku merindukan.."  

Posted at 6:25 PM

Cardiotherapy

 
There are medicine for every illness in this world. May it be cure, prevention or pain reduction.
How did these drugs came about in the first place? A discovery that gave new meaning to humanity. How long does it take to precisely decide on the amount of each element in every tablet or syrup? Let alone to actually uncover which drug would be best for what kind of illness. And does the shape and size of the medication plays a part too? Or are those just a way for the scientists' to amuse themselves.
 
What they have probably not discover or perhaps will never do, is a medication for heartbreak. Yes most of you would say its not a disease and its only an emotion hence impossible to find a cure. But if it is only emotional, why does it inflict physical discomfort ? The stinging pain around the chest area, the irregular beats of the heart, the sick feeling in the stomach that either want to make you vomit or shit in your pants, the sleelpless nights and the lacking in desire to eat. Perhaps many more for some people. So should the doctor prescribe all the side effects of heartbreak individually? Pain killer for the stinging chest, proponalol to stabilise the heartbeat, constipation pills for the tummy, pills to stop the vomitting, Restoril or Halcion for insomnia, and iron capsules to improve the appetite. If all of these taken at one time, imagine the numbness our body feels. It could also cause other damages too instead of releasing us from the pain.  Or to make the medication prescribed simpler, morphine would be best. It will only help for a moment. The minute we wake up, all the pain comes back in a rush that we can't possible resort to morphine all the time right? Maybe thats why junkies chose to indulge in drugs, it brings them to a world that knows no pain or reality.
 
If there is physiotherapy to help the physical being, there should be cardiotherapy to help the heart. Maybe through some kind of shockwaves that can be sent through the heart to ease the pain. Something like insulin shocks to treat the extremely depressed but of course milder. Or what about massages around the heart and chest area. Will that be comforting enough? That didn't sound like it would help either.
 
Cliche ; Time is the best healer for the wounded heart. Can I forward the time right now? Twist and turn the hour hands, bring me to a day and time that all these will be buried somewhere. Easier said then done. But heck we give the same advise to friends all the time. So why can't we apply it to ourselves. Can we apply 'Mind over Matter' techniques here? We can choose to tell our body and heart to feel what our mind say we need. I've done that before. It takes a lot of effort, a lot of f*****g effort. But it did worked for me. It worked so well that during that period, no bad news could even bring me down. I got so numb from the pain and channeling my mind to let logic take over me. But this time around, I want to feel this pain. 
 
Not even the best doctors or healers can find cure for this wrenching pain. Don't tell me time will. Cause if you are, might as well bring me back to where I can make this not to happen at all or forward to a place where it will all be just memories.

Yes, for those who hate me and those that love to hate me...go on ahead and applaud...

Posted at 9:28 AM

Friday, July 16, 2004

A Scorpion's Sting

There was a Muslim man who saw a scorpion floundering around in the water.
He decided to save it by stretching out his finger, but the scorpion stung him.
The man still tried to get the scorpion out of the water, but the scorpion stung him again.

Another man nearby told him to stop saving the scorpion that kept stinging him.
But the Muslim man said: "It is the nature of the scorpion to sting. It is my nature to love. Why should I give up my nature to love just because it is the nature of the scorpion to sting?"

Don't give up loving.
Don't give up goodness.
Even if people around you sting.

=========================================================

.: Calamity :.

A girl grumbled to her father about her hard life. She didn't know what she had to do and wanted to give up. She felt tired for fighting and fighting. One problem had been finished but the other overcame.

Her father, a cook, took her into kitchen. He poured water into three pans and boiled them. After boiling, in the first pan was put some carrots, the second was put some eggs and the last was put with coffee. He waited for them for few minutes without any words from his mouth.

The girl closed her mouth and waited patiently, confused by what her father did. After approximately 20 minutes, her father turned off the stove, took out the carrots and put in the bowl. He took the eggs and put in the bowl. After that coffee was poured into the cup.

Turning back to her daughter, he asked, "My sweet heart, what do you see? " "Carrots, eggs, and coffee", she replied.

Her father closed her and asked for touching the carrots. She did and felt that the carrots were soft. After that he asked her to take the eggs and broke them. After peeling them, she got the eggs cooked and hard. The last, the father asked her to smell coffee. She asked generously, "What's the meaning, Father? " He explained that each things had felt the same unfortunate, the boiling water but different action. The strong and hard carrots became soft and weak after in the boiling water. The fragile eggs and thin epidermis covering the liquor became hard after cooked. Coffee cores were very unique, but they could changed water. "Who are you? " asked her father, "When the calamity knocks your door, how is your reaction? Are you carrots, eggs, or coffee? "

Posted at 1:06 PM

Thursday, July 15, 2004

APRIL

Joyous memories in this April rain
Looking back how I searched in vain
Among the tulips & posies too
I discovered the stars I found in you
And when I found it 'oh what tongue can tell
The tingles & butterflies which in my bosom swell
Roses withered & flames go out
You smiled and teased 'oh when my lips pout
Fear not the storm where the devils' play
Together we overcome the shades of grey
Sway along to the rythm and beat
Imprison me for I admit defeat
Vowing to the words & things I would do
How much ravished, how much I loved you

- 22.04.2002

Dedicated to E
Strange how we used to walk down the street together but now we pass by and the history seemed like a distant dream. Our crossed paths and the journey we shared made what we are today.
Worry not for I forgave you, and do forgive me too.
Thank you for being you...

Posted at 9:03 PM

Wednesday, July 14, 2004

~ Funny how ~

Funny how you used to tell me about them
Funny how you disapproved when they wanted to be my friends
Funny how the faces you made when I told you to believe in 'benefit of the doubt'
Even funnier now they've become your friends
Funny how you're doing things you say you'd never do
Funny how your "flawed friends" as you claimed, stood by you during your sorrows
Funny how you proved your contradicting 'virtues'
Funny how you were never at ease and always looking incomplete and distracted when I am around
Funny how you were two different persons with and without me
Funny how I respected your opinions which only turn out to be a joke on you and you don't even see it
Funny how you resort to the medium you once called a place for losers
Funny how yesterday's happiness made you look so sad and
today's sadness made you seem so delightful
Funny how we all are blinded yet judged by the obvious
Funny how I miss you but it doesn't matter anyways, anymore
Funny how I feel sorry for you
Yes... I really, really do

Posted at 8:16 PM

Saturday, July 10, 2004

Each place has its time and each time has its place

Part 1.

I know this is way too late but heck, nothing is better than sharing interesting apocalypses. Has anyone seen "Sliding Doors?" Starring Gwyneth Scare-Pal-crow and that bushy eye browed Irish actor. I bought 2 good VCDs at the price of 1!! Originals ok!! The other one is Beautiful Mind. Anyway, this movie isn't your typical happy-ending tear-jerking fairytale with worldly promising words of soppy soundtracks.

Helen, played by Gwyneth, is an english lass in her late 20s or early 30s living with her novelist boyfriend, Jerry. She holds a PR position in a major reputable company till she "drank" her meatless arse out of it. This setback in her routined professional life led to the transition that was going to take place. And here it began, the 2 different paths of Helen's life. First is the one that got on the train heading home and the other missing the train and having to resort to another form of transportation. Let's give the 2 journey of Helen's names and the breakdown of the events that took place;

Helen A (the one that missed the train)
- resort to taxi and got mugged while waiting
- got stitched for the cut and got home
- Jerry took her to the bar and James was there but of course in this path she don't know who James is
- started to look for jobs
- Jerry wanted to confess about his infidelity but circumstances were against him
- walked by the river with Anna (her bestfriend) and saw the boat competition that James was part of (but she still do not know who James is)
- found out she was pregnant
- sensed vague signs of Jerry not being true to her hence decide to keep the pregnancy to herself till she is sure
- Went for an interview that was arranged purposely by Lydia (Jerry's lover). She arrived at Lydia's apartment and the door was summoned by none other than Jerry. Shock! horror! And to top it off, Lydia dropped the bombshell on Helen. She was also impregnated by Jerry's adulterous sperm. Bitch!
- She ran away in tears as Jerry went after her. Nasty fall down the stairs
- hospitalized and lost the baby.
- by the hospital bed; Jerry, "I will do anything for you". Helen, "Will you? In that case, I want you to stand up, walk over to the door open it, walk through it and close it behind you.."
- discharged from the hospital.
- Met James for the first time in the lift
- End


Helen B (got on the train and got home earlier than expected)
- met James in the train
- got home and caught Jerry in bed with Lydia (an ex-gf)
- went to the bar alone and drowned her sorrows in beer. James walked in with a friend and he came over to chat a bit
- Anna (her bestfriend) came and joined her
- seek refuge at Anna's place while getting over Jerry
- had new short spunky hairdo
- went out with James
- started up her own mini company
- went to the river for the boat competition with James
- pregnant with james's baby
- Jerry came at her launch reception to beg for another chance
- James disappeared for a week plus
- dropped by his office and found out he was a married man. She saw him at the hospital with his wife
- James found her at the bridge and explained to her that he was separated from his wife and the frontal was to please his sick mother
- James told her "I love you", she turned back and smile and was knocked down by a speeding van
- major internal injuries and lost the baby
- by the bed, James whispered to her "I will make you so happy..promise". Unfortunately, she silently heaved her last breath.
- End


Conclusion
Sooner or later and regardless of missing or getting on that train, Helen was meant to find out about Jerry's infidelity and met James eventually. Its just a matter of the situation, timing and place being different. Either way of finding out about the affair was horrendously heartbreaking. And not forgetting how she happened to be at all the same places despite the 2 seperated paths and the difference was the emotions and situations.

For catching the train, she pulled her life together by launching her own company, putting Jerry behind her, opened her heart for James and having another chance to love and to be loved but eventually life was cut short for this journey. On the other hand, missing the train meant that she was still happy with Jerry for a little while longer, juggled between jobs to survive, eventually learnt about the affair the ugly way causing the fall that cost her the baby, then got Jerry out of her life and met James in the end.
Either way, she was meant to have James in her life. That was her destiny...

How life would have been if you were 10 mins early or 10 mins late?
Put yourself in Helen's shoes, lets not deny the fact that all of us would want to miss that train. Even though the heartbreak will be a heart-wrenching obstacle to pull through, everyone can get over that. Nothing in this mortalilty could be more worthy than a second chance in life. We ponder to much on 'what it could have been..' and 'what if ..'. Whereas we should be appreciating life for making it through any predicament and remember that it could have gotten worst in an unimaginable way.
Helen died afterall for getting on that train......

Posted at 2:27 PM

Saturday, July 03, 2004

No more games under the light

Woke up this morning feeling² emo after a singing *ehem croaking ehem* session by the roadside last night. And these words came pouring in my head this morning.
----------------------------

"No more games under the light"

Petals wither in winter under the sky
Beside him there she was walking by
She can see him similing under the moon
like the stars that sparkle every second
The phone didn't stop ringing in the bedroom
While an old black and white film plays on the tv
No more games under the light
Aren't you missing her tonight?

Picked up another good book to read
Left the dirty coffee cup on the table
Got on the bus and sat by the window
The rain didn't stop pouring with thunder
He never had anything to say
Packed suitcases stood by the doorway
Drowned her pain in tears and sweet cider
Street band was playing outside
Aren't you missing her tonight?

The pancake is burning on the stove
The jug fell smashing to the ground
Another day, another doctor's bill, another long bus ride
This harsh world be damned
Nobody makes sense anymore
No more games under the light
Push the sofa and sleep on the floor
Aren't you missing her tonight?

December passed and leaves are turning red
Trails of memories fading on the walls
Sunset look so brand new
Feed the cat and turn the radio up
Switched off the bad news on tv
Stood next to the chair and played the answering machine
The birds are singing and she is smiling
Nobody is missing her tonight

Posted at 11:33 AM

Friday, July 02, 2004

"A mad mad situation"

What does it mean to be mad ?
The word is usually used in a complete anarchic way. People would say,
for example, that those who pulled outrageous stunts just to make a record
in the Guinness World Record book or street artists that can be found on
tourist spots using their talent to sell are considered mad because they
led such strange insecure lives that are different from the lives of normal people.

A person who commits to routine of days that start of from going to work
with 1 purpose and that is to bring back dough to provide comfortable lives
for oneself and family sees his life as being conventional and secure. Naturally,
he will think of someone who leads the total opposite leading unpredictable and
unfixed income as being not normal. The same applies to the non-conformist mad
person who reflects his life as being the practical choice and the abnormality
of an orthodox.

Imagine a kingdom without rulers and countries without government. In whose hands
will the wrong be right? Will the word justice exist in the first place? This only
means an extreme case of pandemonium and catastrophe. A world of mad people or
in this case it is normal because law and order are not the way of life.

Perhaps anyone who lives in their own world is mad. Like schizophrenics, psychopaths, maniacs.
Basically its people who are different from others.

So to speak; power, authority, rules and regulations create a sanctioned civilization and hence develop the perceptions of the absurdity.

Posted at 10:29 AM

Thursday, July 01, 2004

Aqidah

Yang Membinasakan Iman itu ada 10:
1. Mempersekutukan Allah s.w.t
2. Mengekalkan perbuatan jahat
3. Membinasanakan atau menganiaya sesama makhluk
4. Bermusuhan sesama Islam lebih dari 3 atau 7 hari
5. Meringankan syariat Islam
6. Tidak takut akan gugur imannya
7. Menyerupai perbuatan orang kafir
8. Memisahkan diri dari Rahmat Allah
9. Memakai pakaian yang menyerupai orang kafir
10. Memutuskan diri dari menghadapi kiblat

*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*

"Sesungguhnya engkaulah yang Maha Mengetahui dan Maha Pengasih dan aku hanyalah hambamu yang penuh dengan sifat kelemahan, jauhkanlah aku dari segala perbuatan yang boleh membinasanakan iman ku dan segalanya yg dimurkai mu. Rabbana atina fiddunya hasanah, wafil akhirrati hasanah, waqina 'adzabannar.Ya rabbal 'Alamin"

Posted at 9:12 PM

Credits

• Drogue Designs
• Portfelia
• Brushworx
• Pootato
• The Glass Bead